Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She's like a pop up book from hell.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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