My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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