Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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