These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
