is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
This is my gift to your gina
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
