you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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