I wish my penis had an off switch
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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