so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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