goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
