Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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