apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
