pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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