I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just gift wrapped bread.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
40s are totally the cure
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
