I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize