At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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