he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
