I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize