My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
