im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
