my sisters under your porch take her home
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
