I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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