So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
