I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
