I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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