can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
MIDGETS
????
It's shark week go big or go home
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
