im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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