Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
