Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
