That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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