Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
