Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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