Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
