It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
