But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
