Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
