Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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