I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
