my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
