I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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