Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
