well I can't set my house on fire every night
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
