NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
