I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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