That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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