you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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