it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
