I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
