question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
