I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
