I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
