these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The adults are the big ones right?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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