just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
