You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i came on her dog
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
