ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
They are going to name an STD after you.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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