why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
