It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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