I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
