It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
