Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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