I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
