I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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