her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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