If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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