He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize