One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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