So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
