just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
