it was like his penis was on wheels.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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