I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think I won the penis lottery.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
