If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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