TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
