when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
