Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
