I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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