i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
