This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
