just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
