maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wish i was in the wii world.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
