just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
