I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
