I faked an abortion last night.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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